Nine Songs In My Pocket
DIRT POOR BLOKE: This song is a good introduction to the new Earl: what interests him, what he’s been up to, and what he’s thinking about.
NINE FUCKS IN MY POCKET: This song was the first to manifest itself after Earl’s 30 year bout with writer’s block. He was walking out of Dr. Richard Chopp’s office after an overwhelming conversation about incontinence, erectile dysfunction, anorgasmia—a whole bunch of frightening words—and how his penis wasn’t going to work—even with pharmaceutical help!!—for two years after the surgery. Earl, naturally, asked for some help, and Dr. Chopp gave him 9 fucks for his pocket.
I WANNA GIVE YOU THAT D: The title says it all. Earl had nine pills in his pocket and he wanted to use them.
BLOWIE: Mostly self-explanatory, but here Earl is poking fun at how a “simple” blowjob can come with a whole slew of instructions. As long as it makes it better for both (or more!!)
CURIOUS: Earl’s response to requests for a song about anal sex.
WHERE DID THE SLUTS GO?: Is a look at desperation. Earl wants to shed light on an unfortunate male impulse to expect to find willing partners based on characteristics that have nothing to do with sexual or romantic chemistry. “I’m a nice guy.” “I have lots of money.” Or “I have three weeks before my dick gets turned off.” These will have no guaranteed impact on an intended partner. No surprise that Earl never did find that one woman whose fantasy is to be some poor sap’s last fuck.
IF MY DICK WAS WORKING, I WOULDN’T WASTE IT ON YOU: Earl was very aggressive about packing in as many dates as possible before his surgery. But these wonderful women could see what was going on from a million miles away. Earl was a hot wet mess and that’ll kill anyone’s appetite—for anything.
NIGHTINGALE: For a moment, Earl tried to understand what was going on in his dates’ heads. Left to his own devices, Earl assumed the worst and this song catalogs what his desperate mind came up with.
UNCERTAIN DEATH: Because Earl was able to confront and address his angers and fears in the previous songs, he was afforded a whole new perspective on life. Faced with the reality that he may be living his last days, Earl came to the conclusion that it would be foolish to do anything in the little time left that would create any new regrets in life. But when he learned that his prognosis was free and clear, he decided that he might as well live the rest of his life in this manner. No new regrets.
YOU DON’T NEED A HARD-ON: Though Earl’s cancer had spread inside him, he was lucky that it hadn’t spread to the nerves responsible for sexual gratification. After some time healing, our good doctor Chopp, told Earl to start masturbating regularly to help re-awaken the nerves and keep blood flowing to his penis. Earl never thought he’d get a prescription from the doctor to jack off, but that’s exactly what happened. Earl was happy to oblige.
I AIN’T LAYIN’ PIPE, I’M PUSHIN’ ROPE: Earl had to come to terms with this new reality. How do you tell your date that your dick doesn’t work?
I WANNA KISS YOUR TAINT: Earl’s answer to the question, “If your dick don’t work, what else can you do to make that special someone feel extra special?”
DIRTY TALK: Another way to add a little something to the fun. PSA: It’s a good idea to have a little clean talk about dirty talk before you’re in the thick of things. Consent is key!!!
PEOPLE BREAK: Sometimes a tragedy turns into a triumph. Earl celebrates how confronting his flaws has afforded him a host of incredible friends and how a disproportionate number of those friends happen to be powerful, talented, capable, driven women and how that has improved his life exponentially.
YOU’RE MY COOL AUNT: This song is about one of Earl’s dearest friends, Indigo Rael, whose talent and ironclad integrity serve as a guiding light in his life.
SHE’S A GUY: One of Earl’s most potent muses, Ashton Guy has inspired more music in Earl than anyone other than himself.
JACQUELINE: This woman burst into Earl’s life and did exactly what she said she would—set up a fundraiser and covered Earl’s expenses for all his radiation treatment. DYNAMO.
CUSTODIAN NAOMI: Earl was lucky enough to work at the historic Paramount Theater for over two years while he recovered and wrote these songs. Naomi was his supervisor for a time and she held his heart in her hand the whole time.
FINGERBLASTIN’ BUSSTOP BABY: Nearly all of Earl’s female acquaintances are simply friends. In fact, Earl LOVES being in the “friend’s zone” and has never once been upset that a woman would want him as her friend. That’s just stupid. But every once in a while, women just want to get nasty. Sometimes a girl might feel like an orgasm or 20. And that doesn’t mean that she ain’t a lady.
MISSIONARY ACCOMPLISHED: It turns out that there is a solution to Earl’s erectile dysfunction. And it is just that: a solution that Earl has to inject directly into his penis if he wants an erection. As intense as that may sound, here’s the payoff—hours of on-demand erections. Cancer ain’t so bad.
MERMAID PRINCESS FROM OUTSIDE PARADISE: Earl has learned an awful lot since his diagnosis. There is so much joy to be had in the wonderful friendships he’s maintained and/or created since then. But Earl’s still looking for that special someone out there who might just have some love for a grizzled old peacock like him.
I’LL BE AROUND: Earl’s been a fortunate man. But these stories have a life of their own and Earl’s is no different. That bastard came back after 3 years cancer free. Earl had prepared himself for that possibility, but the two week wait for the test results to see how badly it spread was no joke.